Who are James & Stacy McDonald?

Parenting & Advice for Daughters

On Stay-At-Home-Daughters:

“There are no positive examples of daughters leaving the protective oversight of their fathers (Genesis 34, Numbers 30:3-5). We believe it is a biblical model for a daughter to remain under the protection of her father until she is married. This way, his responsibility to protect and guide his daughter into marriage can be properly carried out. In Matthew Henry’s commentary on 1 Corinthians 7:38, he teaches the following on a man giving his virgin daughter in marriage: Children should be at the disposal of their parents, and not dispose of themselves in marriage. Yet, parents should consult their children’s inclinations, both to marriage in general and to the person in particular, and not reckon they have uncontrollable power to do with them, and dictate to them, as they please. It is our duty not only to consider what is lawful, but in many cases, at least, what is fit to be done, before we do it.”

– James McDonald

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On Modesty Checks:

“Have you ever thought about what you look like from behind—how tight or how sheer your clothing is?… Ask [your mother] if she thinks you swing your hips or swagger….

“When you walk up a flight of stairs, what do men behind you see?….

“Is your clothing modest to the people who are sitting behind you in church? Ask your mother or a wise female friend to stand behind you while you bend to pick up a book. Now do the same with them standing in front of you. What did she see? What would your father think?…

“Raise your hands high above your head. Does your tummy show?…

“How low is your neckline? Look in the mirror while holding onto your knees. Do you see cleavage? If so, everyone else does too! If you are fuller in the chest area, you may need to be more careful of certain fabrics. Sweaters, knits, and the newer ‘stretchy’ fabrics tend to cling and accentuate the bust line….

“Do you see what could be described as the ‘attire of a harlot’ in the styles offered by most department stores today?…

“Men tend to sin by lusting after women, while women tend to sin by lusting to be lusted after. Lust is the very opposite of love because it takes instead of gives….

“If a maiden knowingly exposes private parts of her body or wears clothing that may incite lust in a young man, then she is acting selfishly.”

-Stacy McDonald

“RAISING MAIDENS OF VIRTUE” (PAGEs 134, 137, 139)

On Obeying & Submitting:

“Discuss with your mother how your present obedience to your father will directly relate to your submission to your husband later. Mother, talk about the difficulties many women have in submitting to their husbands.”

-Stacy McDonald

“RAISING MAIDENS OF VIRTUE” (PAGE 158)

On Reading Romance Novels:

Note: Sarah & her mother are fictional characters. These quotes are preceded by a story of Sarah being forbidden from reading a Christian romance novel.

“Sarah’s mother went on, ‘As you know, we are planning for you to marry within a protected courtship setting. Part of our responsibility to God and to you is to guard your purity and insure [sic] that you are faithful to your future husband even now. Did you know that the choices you make now will affect your marriage to your husband later?

“’No, Ma’am,’ Sarah whispered. She had never considered that her future husband might not want her reading romantic stories!

“’Just as physical purity is important, being faithful to your future husband also means remaining true to him emotionally—even before you are married. Emotional purity involves saving your romantic feelings for your husband. You will be able to offer him your whole heart on your wedding day—not just the bits and pieces that are left.’”

-Stacy McDonald

“RAISING MAIDENS OF VIRTUE” (PAGE 162)

On Criticism of Father-Daughter Teachings:

“…innocent gatherings such as father-daughter teas are lampooned.  Daughters who symbolically give their father’s their hearts to guard until marriage are ridiculed (though I find it odd that ‘Promise Rings’ are ok). Oh, and the fathers are castigated. We live in a sad day when a father and daughter cannot share paternal love—for even some who claim Christ roll their eyes.”

-James McDonald

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Marriage & Gender Roles

On Abusive Marriages:

“While affirming male authority as outline in the Scriptures, I am not discounting the genuine cases of despotism. Some men have abused their power and neglected to lead and protect their families. Some husbands and fathers are lazy, selfish tyrants. These men have not lived with their wives in an understanding or loving way, and, by their abuse* and neglect, they have harmed their own families and help to debilitate society. Their prayers have undoubtedly been hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

“But regardless of whether or not men obey God by faithfully leading and loving their wives, as women, we are still required to obey God by faithfully and respectfully following our own husbands. Our responsibilities to the Lord aren’t contingent upon the obedience of anyone else. We are to submit to our husbands ‘as unto the Lord’ (Ephesians 5:22).

“Even when husbands fall short, God can use the faithfulness of godly, submissive wives as a catalyst for change. Peter says it can be done without a word—by our chaste and reverent behavior (1 Peter 3:1-2)….

“Whatever trial we are experiencing, we can be sure that God is at work in us. We must not reject the trial or irritation, because it is God’s will for us at this point in our lives. When we recognize it as being from His hand (for our good and His glory), we can accept even our trials as precious gifts—wonderful opportunities to testify of His goodness.”

*There is an endnote cited here. The endnote, on page 205, reads as follows: “It is important to note that a woman with an unrepentant, physically abusive husband should go to her elders for counsel, and in some cases to the civil authorities. A man abusing his family must be held to account by the authorities in his own life.”

-Stacy McDonald

“Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” (Pages 129, 130)

On Unconditional Submission:

“Regardless of whether or not our husbands obey the Word, our responsibilities don’t change; we are required to obey God by sumitting to our own husbands….

“…[My friend] knew that she had the responsibility to obey God even when her husband chose to disobey. She was ‘laying down her life’ in love and obedience to God.”

-Stacy McDonald

“Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” (Page 14,15)

On Exceptions to Submission:

“But what should we say of the husband who is not under church authority; who perhaps refuses to attend a faithful church; who has isolated his family and set himself up as lone prophet, priest, and king for the family? What should a wife do in such a case? I believe a Christian wife must follow the Lord. If a husband keeps his family from assembling together for an extended time, and shows no sign of committing to a church, a wife may prayerfully and respectfully appeal to her husband, letting him know that she must find a doctrinally sound church where she and their children can be accountable—and protected (Hebrews 13:17). She may also explain to him that by keeping her from the accountability of a church body, he is asking her to sin (Hebrews 10:25); and she must obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29).”

-James McDonald

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On Dealing with Overwhelm:

“Many times we bring frustration on ourselves in the form of too many projects, plans, and misplaced priorities. Remember that God has given you your husband to lead and protect you. Go to him and seek his counsel. Most times he will be able to see things more objectively than you. Perhaps he can help you work out a doable schedule without all the emotions, false guilt, or hormone fluctuations that may cloud the decision-making process of a tired mom. Remember that God works through our submission for our good as well as for the good of our husbands. Don’t decide before asking him that ‘he won’t have the answer.’ Trust that God will work through him.”

-Stacy McDonald

“Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” (Page 60)

On Gender Roles:

“In case you haven’t noticed, God made men and women drastically different! It’s a shameful crime when society succeeds in convincing little girls they should be tough, ambitious and masculine and little boys that they should be soft, effeminate and pretty. It starts out with a few ‘innocent’ twists of God’s design for men and women. Then this same evil deception and perversion leads to those fools who are under the delusion that they are ‘women trapped in men’s bodies’ and ‘men trapped in women’s bodies.’”

-Stacy McDonald

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Counseling & Mental Health

On Reconciling with Abusers:

“Some false teachers even encourage those who claim abuse to view their alleged abuser as some sort of sub-human who is basically beyond the reach of the Gospel. They won’t say this directly, but the message is the same: ‘Abusers’ can’t repent. And, if they try, they’re lying.

“We need to learn to recognize this as an additional form of real abuse, and work to also protect the victims of this more subtle type of tyranny. It’s very important that, in our effort to help those in one type of situation, we don’t empower a different type of real abuser. We also need to be very careful not to place man’s philosophies above the Word of God, which is exactly what happens with some ‘abuse experts.’ This is why the intervention of wise and discerning church elders is crucial.

“Repentance and restoration should be the goal. If true repentance never happens, then that is a different story. But, counselors or pastors who treat alleged or repentant abusers as if they are hopeless, perpetual liars, beyond the reach of the Gospel, are teaching a false doctrine and are dangerous to families.”

-Stacy McDonald

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